i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize