I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize