I wanna bring you to show and tell
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
