so that wasnt chicken after all
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My vagina just clenched in fear
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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