I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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