Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
