Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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