Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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