i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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