Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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