i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
