Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
a search helicopter?!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
