I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
