I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize