So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
