There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Less talking, more tequila
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
