They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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