Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
