I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
