Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
as a side note pls kill me
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
