I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
