i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Found your dick twin last night
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Someone signed my nipple.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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