It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
