i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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