You don't have asthma, your pregnant
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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