so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
