"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
