Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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