My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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