to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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