its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We are all done wearing pants today
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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