I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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