Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
