My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
