dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize