I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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