The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
