Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize