I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
