if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
