do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
