One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
