I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
