He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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