last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize