I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
