I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
