I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
