i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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