so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she looked like the before picture.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
