The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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