we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
