when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
They took my balls.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
