No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just threw up on my dentist
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
