I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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