Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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