apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
