I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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