someone threw a dead crab at me
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
