U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize