When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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