Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize