You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
