Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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