No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
