You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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