so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
