Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
