Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
