it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my phone needs a breathalizer
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
