Apparently you make a good broom.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize