this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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